In an exclusive interview with GenYBother today Theresa May confirmed that she has delayed triggering Article 50 not due to the noisy neighbours in Scotland but rather because she is off for a piss up in Magaluf this weekend. Speaking to us today Theresa had this to say; “I am absolutely buzzing to be hitting the Magaluf strip this weekend with the girls, we’ll be tanking vodka mixers through willy straws and getting mortal. Of course I expected everyone to think I delayed Article 50 because of Sturgeon but I just didn’t want to get humped when I exchanged my Pounds to Euro’s down at the post office.” The interview was unfortunately cut short as Theresa was sick down herself at the Airport Wetherspoons and as such we were asked to leave.
The Prime Minister’s trip has not gone unnoticed however as politicians across the UK have shown their envy as well as rage at the audacious trip. Chancellor Phillip Hammond is reported to have been gutted that he could not make the trip as he had to do a u-turn last minute having failed to budget himself for a weekend of madness and STD’s in Spain. Conversely the SNP have responded with disgust stating that Theresa May should have spent the holiday in Scotland with Nicola Sturgeon despite the poor weather and even poorer company.
Early reports indicate that in Theresa May’s absence pantomime villain George Osborne will act as PM for the weekend as he’s already juggling every other fucking job in London.