John Gallagher, an IT consultant from Livingston, has brazenly declared to his work colleagues that if Scotland goes independent he is “out of here pal!”.
He made the empty promise shortly after Nicola Sturgeon, first minister of Scotland, announced her commitment to a second Scottish Independence referendum following the UK’s vote to leave the EU in June.
His friends and family members are no strangers to his outlandish and often unfulfilled claims which so far have included not getting a tattoo and never getting round to booking a once-in-a-life-time trip to South America.
We can report that Mr Gallagher has somehow wholeheartedly convinced himself that the inconvenience of selling his home and moving to “Manchester or maybe even somewhere in Wales” will outweigh the mild frustration he’ll feel seeing Alex Salmond declared eternal president of the Haggis Republic.
Mr Gallagher, whose tinder profile lists travelling as one of his interests, has only left Scotland on two occasions, with one being a school field trip to London and the second being a Jagermeister-fuelled trip to Vilnius, Lithuania. Yet this self-described man of “routine and creature comforts” is now dead set on breaking all ties with his home country in order to ensure his salary is still in pound sterling instead of tartan dinar.
One colleague Cassandra Wilson, was particularly impressed by John’s hard-line dedication to his political beliefs, “nothing is more attractive than a man with passion”. Ms Wilson, who is new to the office, is yet to become aware of the fact that most people in the team consider John “a bit of a pompous bell-end”.